Nationwide Blivit Alert

The annual nationwide blivit alert is about to be upon us at full stage. Remember what a blivit is’ A blivit is a good ole Texas term which means ten pounds of flour (or whatever) in a five pound sack. The typical male blivit claims to still have a 32 inch waist but hanging over that long lost belt buckle is what must be a watermelon he was forced to swallow whole. The female blivit usually dresses in loose sweats with the upper half gaily and colorfully covered with sequins in the shape of her pet dancing poodle(s) and it’s surroundings: Bone in the sky, dog house, red bow or bows here and there. The latest studies now show 61% of Americans are overweight. That means that most of us have a posterior that’s at least an ax handle wide. The art of being an outstanding blivit is slowly being perfected in all 50 states. Maybe Ross Perot should start a new party: The Blivit Party. Americans just love to eat . . . that’s all there is to it. We start out every fall by stuffing ourselves at Thanksgiving and don’t stop ’til after Super Bowl Sunday. Here’s something to be proud about: We, as a nation, probably eat more in that time period than most third world countries eat all year long. Talk about decadence. Unless we begin to deal with this problem, we’re going to cause a giant shift in the axis of the earth. We’d change the location of the north and south pole. Brady would become a rain forest. Gone would be the white-tailed deer, wild turkeys, dove and quail. Perhaps to be replaced by a battalion of giant anacondas slinking about. So, the next time you wander into KFC or McDonnies you’d better just ask for the small tossed green salad with lemon juice dressing and a water chaser. You must learn to ignore those hot, fluffy biscuits and thick, steaming cream gravy. Just put it out of your mind. Real inner strength is turning away from a bag of fresh, salted greasy juicy french fries. I know you’re thinking I probably have my tongue firmly planted in my cheek. Alas, I wish it were true but in actuality we well stuffed “Amuricans” are indeed going to have to do something about our outrageous eating habits. There are lots and lots of diets but so far most only work on a short term basis. One loses 15 or 20 pounds and then a month later one gains it back in all the wrong places. Been there, done that you say’ So have most of us “big boned” people. The latest study shows something really astounding. If one (on a daily basis) counts calories and fat grams and exercises one loses weight. Gosh, what a revelation. Actually if you think about it for just a little bit that’s the only thing that could work. Too bad we don’t come with a label attached that says: “Do not feed this 6’1″ lad over 1,700 calories a day or he’ll get fat.” If the tire on your car said: “Keep the pressure in this tire at 35 PSI” would you keep stuffing air in it until it blows up’ We humans work a lot the same way. We just keep on pumping food into our bodies until we all but explode. Why’ Does our brain tell us there is no tomorrow so stuff brother stuff’ Quien sabe. So, as we begin this new millennium how about we all consider skipping that extra piece of fried chicken or that double bypass burger or that chocolate sundae with a cherry on top. Sound like fun’ Maybe not: But consider this’you certainly never see any overweight 80-year-olds. Mickey Smith aka ‘Big Mick’ lives with his svelte wife and relatively hefty dogs in west central Colorado just a stones throw north of the Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park. They are all wintering well.

Leave a Comment