What’s the verdict’

Like I told ya, my wife has got me taking handfuls of herbs and vitamins. One of them is colostrum. She looked at me one day and said, “That colostrum is turning your hair darker.” Now how she knew it was the colostrum, I don’t know. But the jury is still out. I’ll let you know the verdict and sentence at a later date. H I don’t need Social Security. I’m socially secure. See, I’m your friend, and I hope you’ll be a friend to me. It’s just a chance I’ve chosen to take. H My wife loves throw rugs. Those 2×4 or 3×5 kind. She’s got one every place. I’m constantly kicking up one side or almost stumbling on them. She took me aside and gave this advice: There’s a trick to it’PICK UP YOUR FEET.” I just dunno if I qualify as a foot picker-upper. H It was’in the past’that people were responsible for their own actions. Now, it’s, “Who can I blame'” H The drivers are speeding up it seems. Can’t tell if they gotta go to the bathroom real bad, or if they’re late getting to supper, or if they overslept and they’re late, or if they got to many goofy details. But if they don’t quit tailgating me or passing me on my un-guarded side or scaring me, I’m gonna get road rage. Most of ’em have never seen me get mad but when and if I do, you’ll hear about it. If I go to jail, please bring me some super crunchy peanut butter. Thanks. H I saw on the “Millionaire” show that grasshoppers travel in a cloud. Does that mean Floridians are grasshoppers’ H Daddy usta say: Boy, you better get lined out. Now they say: Get on line. Dot com. I guess that might boil down to: Straighten up and fly right. H I was in church, went to a place next door to tend to some business. I saw a box of doughnuts and helped myself . Toward the end of the service, a little six or seven-year-old girl excused herself. Came back five minutes later with a doughnut. Everybody grinned as she ate it during the last part. Wife thought it was shameful. Yall are the first to know. Bout my doughnut, that is.

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